U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
