This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
