thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
