im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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