I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
