i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
