Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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