Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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