At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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