Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
