The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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