i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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