I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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