I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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