How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
