Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
