I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
