There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
