That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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