dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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