Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
