drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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