Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
