Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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