Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
