At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
bring money and cleavage
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
