i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
