This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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