As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
