i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
