I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We have started to decorate penises.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
