I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
