Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
