Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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