so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
