Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
