thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
