Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
