Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
