don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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