I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
