HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
