wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
