So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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