I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
