I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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