Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
