I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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