Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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