he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
